Tender Mercies

We have all had those days ... the day where everything we try seems to go wrong ... So much is on your to-do list and though you accomplish lots, a ton is left undone. Every trick you try to make your children smile seems wasted... And yet, if you look close, small moments will creep in that show you that your efforts are worth it and the Lord loves you...

Today was one of those days for me - but I got a moment with each member of my family that made it all worth it.

The moment with Aaron was quite tender. I was in the kitchen cleaning up when he races in from outside saying, "Mama! I got a flower for you!" I looked over and noticed he had brought me a leaf :) I told him that was so sweet, but it is, in fact, a leaf. His response was priceless, "Oh ... Mama! I got a leaf for you!" I love that cute little guy who is so caring!

My moment with Audrey was equally tender. We have struggled with breastfeeding lately. Ever since she started teething, Audrey would lay open mouthed screaming rather than sucking ... or, recently, she has started placing 2 hands on my chest and pushing me away or arching her back to get her head away from me... I don't know why she has done this (given that she started it after a week of no bottles, just me), but it has caused me to start drying up. I had come to terms with this but felt a bit guilty ...
Today, I was slightly engorged. She hasn't taken me for 2 days ... I thought about pumping, but didn't want to produce a demand when there isn't one (it simply isn't feasible to continue pumping for her to eat ... ) so I opted to take a shower. Aaron chose today to refuse to stay out of Audrey's crib and thus Audrey wasn't napping ... so I took her in the shower with me. She was so snuggly, cuddly, and sweet. And then, I had a thought. I laid her against me and she started eating. She ate a ton! As she ate, she looked up at me and finally ... finally I experienced that bond that mother's talk about ... the bond created through breastfeeding. I never had it with Aaron and up to now, I had never had it with Audrey. I felt a connection bottle feeding as I watch them, but never while breastfeeding. Tears flowed freely as I realized this might be one of the last times she feeds from me, but I am so grateful to have had this experience, even if that is the case. It has all been worth it!

And then in the evening, I had a moment with Eric. Audrey, teething, was distraught and refused to be calmed and Aaron, supposed to be eating dinner, was running around screaming because Audrey was screaming... I felt overwhelmed and useless. Then Eric came home. He saw me, he saw the children, and he walked right up to me, took me in his arms, and whispered, "You are an amazing mom and an amazing wife. You do so much for all of us and we are so grateful." How does he always know exactly what I need to hear?

I know each member of my family was touched and prompted to give me exactly what I needed - to give me the courage to keep going through my day.