Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Ugly Word "Diet"

Ok, so Eric has decided to start running again to "get back into shape" - definitely a worthwhile cause that no one can look down on. But... he has also decided to go on a "diet."  *shudder* That is such an ugly word. It is the word Die with a t added on the end solely for decorative purposes.

I would like to point out that he does not find himself fat - he just wishes to be healthy. As you can see in this picture, he is not fat.

At first him going on a "diet" bugged me because to be honest, it made me feel like a cow. It is not a rare sight to find me sitting on the couch eating brownies and ice cream... blah.

However, this ceased to bug me as I now use the "I'm Pregnant" excuse that I use for virtually anything. Now, it bugs me for a new reason... Who am I going to cook sweets and fattening meals for? Those are my 2 favorite things to cook!!! I can't very well cook them and eat them myself or cook them and make him feel guilty for not eating it...

So, I am branching out. It is time for me to make more healthy meals. (don't get me wrong ... I don't feed him grease all the time - just about once a week I really cook something in butter or oil) I intend to swap canola oil for olive oil. (that's my first step...aren't you proud?)

Since most of the meals I make are fairly healthy - we love salads - what I am really searching for is sweets that are healthy... I know, do they even exist??? I feel that it is worth the search.

If you know of any healthy food substitutes, or sweets that are "healthy" I would LOVE the feedback!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Afraid to Sleep

I am tired of crying and tired of the headaches crying causes. In the past week, I have woken up several times crying because of dreams that I have had. Not waking up and then crying thinking about it... I mean waking up because I have filled my ears with tears as they run down my face or soaked my pillow. Dreams about being forgotten or abandoned, dreams about being teamed up against or being unwanted... Dreams that seem so vivid and so real that they are affecting my life. They are making me more sensitive to the things that my husband and my family say or do.

On Monday I broke into tears on 3 different occasions (not including when I first woke up) over things that normally would have been fine -- but this time caused feelings of being forgotten, being unwanted...feelings of betrayal.  I mean, of course my dad would never intentionally forget me and I can scarcely believe what I thought my husband intended.

I just don't know what to do at this point. How can I stop taking offense when none was intended but, thanks to these terrible dreams, seems like not only offense was intended, but harm as well? How can I re-train myself to let comments slide, to not look for deeper meaning in sarcasm, and to carry a smile on my face instead of the tear streaks that now occupy it?

Eric has been really great at noticing when something is wrong, pulling me aside, and holding me while I cry. He helps me look at what was said and figure out what was really meant (as much as we can... sometimes it seems offense was truly meant, but normally it wouldn't have made me cry - normally I would have let it slide).

I think I will call my little brother later and see what he says... he often has the most profound, deep logic - I don't know where this crazy 16-year-old gets it from!

This seems like such a dark post for what my new background is (it's the dinosaur one ... in case I change it). I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Desires of Our Hearts

It's funny how God works with our desires - He knew that I was bored at home and really wanted a job. He also knew that with my being pregnant, my body would be unable to handle a job. But He gave me one anyway so that I could appreciate being home and having the time to myself to manage my house and keep things in order.  Having a job was a blessing in multiple ways.  I have learned much:

1) I no longer want a job. I recognize that my place is in the home (not that I was planning on working after having children, but even now -- what brings me joy is keeping the house clean and having food prepared for Eric).
2) I realize now what a blessing it is to be at home.
3) I have learned new ways to cope with my sickness and know that as long as I have something that I find important to focus on, it isn't so bad.
4) I learned that my stress tolerance level is so much lower when I'm pregnant and my stress reaction is to feel sick. I struggle enough with worrying about my students, let alone another job on top of it.
5) True boredom is being stuck at work with nothing to do -- true creativity is being able to find something (this is easier at home!).
6) There are always enough snacks at home -- there are not always enough snacks at work.
7) Headaches come from stress -- massages relieve them!
8) Always have chocolate on hand

It's funny how we are bred to be ready for certain things. I was raised to be ready to be a mom and Eric was raised to be ready to work for the rest of his life... After having the responsibility of a job, even for a little while, I pity Eric. I often apologize to him for the fact that he will have to work and support our family. But he is ready for it and looks forward to it. He is excited to be able to take care of me and our children. (I think he got whacked over the head with a 2x4, but that's just me...)  I am grateful that he does not consider this a burden but is striving to better himself so that he is able to provide for us.

The desire to have children and stay at home hasn't changed, I just want it now more than ever.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Let's Back It Up

So I usually blog at work where my computer does not have an SD slot and so most of my posts don't have photos. But Eric is doing homework and so I decided to upload some pictures... they go from most recent to oldest... I know there are a lot, but Eric found them on the camera and got excited. He suggested that I put them on the blog - when he wants to get involved in the blog, I obey!
Enjoy!  :D

Eric bought me a little Christmas tree for our house. 
The corner looks empty now without it.
This is a picture of Melissa that I took with the incredible zoom on our new camera

A crazy game called Twilight Imperium - I won!!!
Playing Battle Star Galactica

My Best Friend's Wedding
Elise, Amy and I

Christmas at the Hornibrooks! 
Mom on Christmas morning
Our camera has a function where if you smile, it will automatically take a picture - we tested it on Kelsey
...and on Dad
Katie saw the camera and started dictating what Eric was to take pictures of
Obviously Aimee couldn't be left out!


David and Emily came over for an intense game of Settlers of Catan.
Eric was a raptor in another lifetime...

Mom got a new exercise bike
For Dad's birthday, we did eggnog instead of cake - all the girls helped blow out the candle

The first "real" snowfall we were home for. 
Eric ran out to the street and started jumping. I finally figured out he was drawing a face!

My Halloween Cake!

Eric says spiders aren't supposed to be cute, but I think the cake is adorable!

Eric took a golf class, so we went golfing together...
He has to stretch before his phenomenal swing can happen
I obviously don't know the first thing about golf
Eric has these incredible power shots - I have a hard time keeping track of his ball
One major thing that Eric requested get posted is a story about how my balls never leave the ground.
On our last hole, he hit the ball and it was kind of a dud shot. 
Then it was my turn - I hit the ball and it rolled...and rolled...and rolled... 
Eric says the hole was about 150 yards away - and somehow my ball made it on the green - about 2 feet away from the hole!

Making a fort in our living room
We made Orange Chicken and watched Batman Begins. It was epic.

What happens when Eric and I make cookies
I started a frosting fight - and Eric wanted to try something different so he asked me to hold still...
Ice Cream + Football = Love

Bored at home
I was trying to figure out how to do my hair for the Open House we held in August
Don't worry, I was smart enough to let my sister-in-law Amanda do my hair

 Waiting for our shuttle to our hotel - it was SO humid the camera fogged up
Riding in the shuttle
A beautiful plot of land near our hotel
When we told the guy who gave us our room that it was our honeymoon,
he changed our room so that we could be closer to the ocean! 
This is the view from the balcony in our hotel room.
Eric and I brought a few games along with us to play
You can tell this is the first day because I am still wearing clothes...
It was so humid that the rest of the time, I walked around in my swimsuit and shorts
The ocean, just outside our building
The wind was so strong that the hammocks were hard to stay in - they flipped over a lot
So Eric and I shared a hammock because I kept falling out of my own
Eric was testing the timer on the camera
...or something
We went on an excursion to the jungle. This was a hut we passed on our walk
We went in a cave where the Mayans used to perform sacred rituals.
We had to take off our shoes

 There was a Mayan Shaman who performed a ritual for us
We rode bikes to the next location which was the ziplines
We went on 5 ziplines
Then came swimming in a cave

 We were supposed to repel down to the water. Using both hands you were supposed to slow your descent. The problem was that I was so light that I could let go with both hands and go nowhere - thus I had to feed the rope through the contraption and force myself down into the cave.

There was also snorkeling - Eric did that one by himself. I jumped in and then got back out.

 This is a picture inside one of the caves where Eric went snorkeling.

Eric decided to spin the walking sticks

I'm not sure what he was doing, to be honest

We went to an "authentic Mayan village" where we ate great food.
Being my first time out of the country, it didn't occur to me to not drink the water...
I got giardia
 Last of all on our excursion, we rode a crazy beast back to our van.

 Eric was SUPER tan at the end of our Honeymoon, and we finished the book And Then There Were None.

 Crazy adventures from when Eric first moved into our home - lots of yard work
 These are the ants....
 Our first zucchini from the garden

 The tree we ripped out and where it used to be
Our yard was SUPER overgrown with weeds and such

I am SO glad this tree is gone

These are all the snails I found... yuck!

I don't think I will ever fall behind on uploading pictures again! That took forever!