Friday, August 16, 2013

Like You Were Dying

Last week, Eric mentioned to me that his co-worker, Tyler, had gone skydiving, twice, and loved it. He then asked if it was something I would be interested in doing. Thinking to myself perhaps someday I responded, "sure!" Immediately, Eric whipped out his phone to call Tyler to get details on going and see if Tyler would be interested in going again. At first, I was taken aback ... so fast? But then I thought, why not? If I keep living in the someday mentality, when will anything ever get done? Eric rallied a group of friends together and we have a date set to go next week.

Now, I know that I have a much better chance of dying while driving a car or breathing oxygen than I do going skydiving, but it definitely leaves one thinking (like I said, I do not believe I will die and it is not an actual concern...but for some reason, when skydiving is mentioned, everyone thinks about death.) ... if I were to die, what would I want to leave behind?  What do I want my children to know about me and about what I believe? What would I want Eric to know? Three years ago, I wrote A Letter From Heaven that you can find under the Eric & Jessie Bucket List tab on the blog. Everything in it still applies, but I want to add more.

I cannot describe to you the emotions overwhelming me as I write this. I am a crier, I always have been, and just the thought of potentially not seeing every moment of my children growing up and not being with Eric for every year of the rest of his life makes my heart ache. It is something I try to not think about too often. But what makes my heart ache more is the thought of my children growing up not knowing how much I love them, not knowing what I believe...I need to record it sometime, somewhere... And so I fight the tears, and I write:

I am not perfect, not by any means, but I hope that those who know me know that I know that I am a Daughter of God. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true church. I know that marriage is ordained of God to be between a man and a woman, but I also know that one should never, ever, look down on or push away someone simply because they have different beliefs. I know there is power in prayer and that in some instances it can be as powerful as a Priesthood Blessing. I know the Holy Ghost speaks to me through small things that collectively build up to one big belief. I know that as a member of the LDS Faith, having received my endowments, having been sealed in the temple, and having lived a righteous life, I will be with my best friend, my protector, and my hero, Eric, for time and for all eternity.

Aaron, I love you more than you will ever know until you have a child of your own and experience that love for yourself. You are such a kind and caring boy. My heart leaps every time I hear you call, Mama! I love when you want to sit on my lap or curl up with me. I am so privileged to be your Mom. I  love to watch you parade around saying "I a big brother. I special." You are special, so incredibly special - I hope you always know that! And you are a big brother - make sure you always look out for and protect Audrey! As you grow, remember who you are and where you come from. You are a Son of God - a Price directly from your Heavenly Father. Pick your friends wisely and remember you have amazing role models in your life... Your dad, your Grampa, your Papa, your Uncles... look to them for guidance and follow their examples. You don't have to be like every body else, in fact, I pray that you don't try... I want you to be you. I hope you have a desire to get your Eagle, to serve a full time mission, and to be a faithful member of the LDS church. Listen to your Dad. He is the smartest and best man I know.

Audrey, I wish you knew how amazing and special you are! You are a true Daughter of God and only Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother are capable of loving you more than Daddy and I do! I see so much potential in you! You are beautiful, inside and out, I can already see that. Please don't ever forget that - and always protect your beauty. Make sure your friends build you up and help you to become better. Always love your brother and nurture your relationship with him - it is so important. Remember all your amazing role models, your Gramma, your Grams, and all of your Aunts. Above all, listen to your Dad. He knows more than you may think and he has more insight than you'll ever know. Become an active member of the LDS church - put your whole heart into it and you will benefit in more ways than are visible to the eye.

Eric, I love you, I love you, I love you. I honestly wish there was a word stronger than "love" because I don't think it adequately describes how I feel. You have made me into a much better person than I was when we met and I continue to grow under your influence. You make me want to be better and you bring out the best in me. I only hope that I have been able to do the same for you. Thank you for all the dishes, the laundry, the french fries, the cokes, the flowers, the games, and the love you have given me! Thank you for being the best Dad our children could ever ask for and an even better husband than I ever imagined! Thank you for always making me feel wanted and needed and loved!

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