Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs, and wakes imagination
Eric and I have both been suffering from insomnia - him more than me so at 9:30 we both took Tylenol PM. The difference? Eric conked out long ago and here I am still awake. Do I know why? Most certainly.
I blame my students. Each night that I lay down to sleep their choreography starts flying through my head - I start thinking of what to teach them next and how to help them best improve. Usually that will fade and I will be able to sleep, but not tonight. Tonight I am struggling with them for a different reason.
On Friday, they have a dress rehearsal and next Tuesday is their performance. Normally, it is my Level 1 class that has me ripping my hair out. They struggle to focus and learn the steps, and though class was tough as usual, it was nothing compared to my Level 2 class! I feel like the boy's brains have checked out for the semester, even though they have yet to finish their choreography for their performance. The girls continually come to me assuming their partner doesn't know the step when in reality (somehow) they do know the step and the girl just needs to trust her partner... but I would assume my partner doesn't know the step either with the way the boys are behaving... Every time I turn my back to answer a question or pause the music, they start attacking each other or talking.
I feel class would be easier to manage if it took place in a structured desk filled environment. But because the class is held in a gym where the students are constantly in motion, it is so hard to control the class. Today I tried being funny, I tried incentive, I tried everything short of yelling and yet I could not command the respect I needed to help them learn the remainder of their choreography! Sometimes I feel that I need to be a grouchy teacher to get them to do what I want - which is not the kind of teacher I want to be.
I also struggle because I have one student in my class who blows up at will and leaves his partner on the floor. I have yet to figure out how to deal with him and the year is almost over! Luckily he isn't as violent as he was at the beginning of the year, but now I just need to find a way to get him to want to put in the time to practice. He enjoys competing and performing but he does not like participating in class...
So tonight started with my imagination flying regarding their choreography and has turned into me brainstorming ways to connect better with my students. I love them and it truly hurts me when they take something I say and completely disregard it.
I especially hurt for the boy that just leaves the floor. I hurt for his mother who is my PTO mom and comes to class every week. I hurt for his partner who is left standing, and I hurt for him because I know he likes dancing, he just struggles with his anger.
More than ever I do not want to be the cranky teacher that demands respect rather than commanding it. I used to command this respect but last week and this week I feel that I am slipping - that I am losing them. I sincerely hope that it is because the semester is ending and not because of something I did in particular. I love teaching, but for the first time, I am starting to feel burnt out. Hopefully Friday will go better. And hopefully now that I have spewed my thoughts out, I will be able to sleep. *fingers crossed*
I'm sure it has a lot to do with the time of year. I've worked in the schools for a few years, there is something about this time of year. Winter's been dragging on, the school year is near the end but not quite close enough, etc. I totally recognize this. It's frustrating, I know. But don't worry, it's not something that you've done. Seriously, I was really glad I got to have maternity leave during this time of just because of that. Not even joking. The commanding vs demanding respect: good thought. It makes me think of a few of my students...
ReplyDeleteI have an idea. Next time you're dealing with this, invite me to come along as a volunteer assistant. Miss PTO mom can't gripe at me and it's not like it's a job or that I'm getting paid. I can be as mean as I want to and the school won't be able to do much except ask that I not come back. But by then, the damage will be done. For the rest of the year, you can just threaten the students with "Do you want me to have that mean lady come back?!" Honestly, I think it's brilliant.
ReplyDelete