This is more of a journal entry than a blog post.
I am not a breastfeeding success story...
There is a lot of shame that is put on women who don't breastfeed.
It comes from doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, and worst of all, other moms...
blah blah blah...
Sometimes, it simply doesn't work!
Aaron never learned to latch. We tried everything. He'd start eating and the milk would just go everywhere. After 6 weeks, I was done and he was done. He needed food and he wasn't getting it.
So we switched to formula.
Audrey was a champion eater. She did fabulous.
Until she decided she was done. At 4 months old, she planted her hands on me and literally pushed me away. She refused to take me. I have no idea what prompted this - she hadn't had a bottle for a few weeks (we only used them with sitters after she became bottle trained).
So we switched to formula.
Adelynn was a very aggressive eater. She created scabs and bruises within the first few days despite her latch being what the consultants called "excellent." When your nipples feel pain, it shoots to your extremities. I also had carpal tunnel, so the pain shooting to my hands was even worse - to the point where I would writhe while she sucked. I switched to pumping and giving her a bottle while my nipples healed - throwing out the first, several, blood tinged ounces. After they healed, I tried to put her back on, and the pain was excruciating, scabs forming quickly. I had been pumping out 4x what Adelynn was eating per day already so I decided to continue with that for a month or so to build up a supply for her in the freezer. But pumping was already painful and slowly became more so - I had no idea that I had developed clogged ducts ... which developed into mastitis, an infection of the breast that causes multiple spikes of fever (102 degrees) and severe pain. It didn't take long for me to scrap that plan due to the pain. Plus, there are medications that I can be on when I'm not breastfeeding that would help with my chronic fatigue - allowing me be able to function and better care for my family.
So we going to switch to formula.
Sometimes I wonder what my breasts are even for...
I can't feed my children with them.
They manage to catch every food or drink item that misses my mouth.
They grow huge and are painful and then shrink back down to shriveled raisins.
If my husband didn't love them so much I honestly would get rid of them.
Oh, honey! I know how hard you try and want it to work. Please don't feel shamed by senseless people. You have to do what is best for your baby AND for you. I learned from our pediatrician when Eli was born that, with a newborn, taking care of the mother was more important because if the mother is okay, baby will be fine. If mother is not okay, that is when his patient (the baby) would have issues. You do what is best for you, the baby, and the rest of your family. Everyone else can butt out!
ReplyDeleteAs I got to the end, I was going to throw in Eric's enjoyment of your breasts as a reason to keep them. And then, of course, you mentioned it and it made me laugh. Love you!